Pregnant Shirley

I have been reprimanded. But Mike was, too, so it's okay. I am also less in the wrong, since I blog a heckuva lot more often than him.

As all the world now knows (really, to me my family is the world, since we populate half of it) a watermelon seed has sprouted in my belly, and once it's full grown on January 30, the doctor will take it out, crack it open, and inside will, hopefully, be a baby.

No, we do not intend to eat the watermelon.

Here is a list:

• My watermelon is currently 18.5 weeks old, and, despite what some silly women may say, you can definitely tell.
  
  
• Really, the line I've gotten from nearly every woman in the ward is, "Well I look more pregnant than you!" No, you don't, because you're not pregnant. This little belly that sprouted in the last two weeks is pregnant. Let me be pregnant without talking about your personal weight issues. Give me a couple more kids and I'll be there right with you, k? And don't even get me started on the people that say I'm too small.
  
  
• I cannot handle the heat. At all. Which drives me crazy. I can't do anything!
  
  
• The first time I thought I might be pregnant was when I was really only a few weeks along, I guess. I was out on a run and started hurting really bad. As I turned around and tried to walk/curl/massage it off I just kept thinking, "The baby doesn't like this run." How does that even work? And after that whenever I'd pass a store I'd have the thought to go buy pregnancy tests.
  
  
• The pregnancy tests are actually a funny story: I used one, but I guess I did it wrong because nothing showed up for 15 minutes. So I used it again. According to the packaging, that disqualifies it. This time it showed pregnant pretty fast, though lightly. I knew it. Lightly pregnant. I hid it in my nightstand and walked away. A bit later, Mike walked past as I was on the floor cleaning in the hall bathroom. I said, "I think I'm pregnant."
  And he kept walking.
  Then he came back and said, "How so?" (or something like that) and I responded that the test said so. He made me unhide the disqualified one and take another test. I thought I would be out of pee. This one also said lightly pregnant. Mike had us read the instructions five times over to verify that's what it meant. He was sad for a day, and then he was really excited. And I was just normal.
  
  
• I've noticed crazy hormones this past week. I watched the mailman pass our house one day without stopping and almost started crying. I had to laugh at myself. And lately I seem to be on the verge of tears throughout the mornings at work, which is inconvenient.
  
  
• Today I wore a skirt up at my waist that used to fit on my hips. Already I can tell that I will be carrying pretty low.
  
  
• The other day, Mike mapped out for me where all my weight gain has been. It added up to twenty pounds (ten being in the chest). I've gained eight total, as of last Friday anyway.
  
  
• The first thing I noticed physically, before the sickness even, were the huge breasts making their home below my collar bone. No kidding.
  
  
• I've grown out of all my pants but the sweats, most of my shirts, and I can also thank muffy and killer for the fact that most of my t-shirts are too small as well now.
  
  
• My runs have diminished to just 1-2 miles. I get sick and overheated and my heart rate skyrockets if I try anything longer, so I don't. I run, and then I walk for longer. It's weird, walking. It's totally different muscles. Did you know I've walked a 9:30 mile before? I used to be good at that.
  
  

Perhaps I will be nice and continue to post lists.

Here is another type of list: My friend, Dawn, participates in a thingy called "Wee Bit Wednesday," and I always find myself wanting to comment on her posts with all my answers, but instead of forcing my life story on her, I'll just post it here. AND this way, maybe I'll be posting every Wednesday, if I keep up with it.

{one} what’s your favorite day of the week and why?
Saturdays? But only the ones that aren't busy with tons of Church and family stuff. Those are good, too, but the best are when Mike and I get to go out on some adventure and have the day for each other.

{two} if you could have a glimpse of your future, would you choose to see it and what time would you want to see?
Well, it'd be kinda pointless, because I already know how it's going to pan out. I mean, sure, I don't know the specifics, but those are unimportant. My future is decided by me, and I've already decided how I'll be.

{three} if you could be any animal, which animal would you be?
Have you ever heard of a dik dik? It's the tiniest little dear thing ever! But, I would probably be a monkey. I've always wanted to be able to hop and fly and climb like a monkey. After watching a news report on a girl that grew up in South Africa playing with monkeys who was an amazing rock climber because of it, I decided my family would live in South Africa. I was like eleven.

{four} do you have a lucky number?
I've always liked multiples of 4, but not 4 itself. Does that count as lucky?

{five} if you could bring one famous person back from the dead, who would it be and why?
This one's too hard. I don't care about anyone famous enough to go through that nastiness, and Jesus already brought back Lazarous, so...

{six} fill in the blank: peanut butter and ____________.
We use honey, but I really like berry jams. Or you can do like my older brothers and do a slice of bread, peanut butter, jelly, slice of bread, peanut butter, honey, slice of bread. Really quite filling.

{seven} would you rather live by the mountains or by the beach?
Mountains. I would die without my mountains. There is nothing to compare with a run or hike out there.

{eight} do you have any tattoos?
ew gross.

{nine} if you could retire tomorrow, what would you do?
Clean my house, fix dinner, plant flowers, work on a baby quilt for my friend, organize the office, make a Moses basket decision, put away the laundry - you know, house-wifey stuff I've been dying to do.

{ten} what is your favorite all time movie?
Uh....we'll just go with "Pride and Prejudice," since it's a favorite that I actually own. "Hunt for Red October" is also a love.

This top

Looks like crap on this model:

but absolutely adorable on this chica:


and I super want it.

Also, I think I have the flu. unfair. and crappy.
(actually, I learned that the stomach flu or 24-hour flu have nothing to do with the real flu. I don't have the real flu. Just a fake one.)

truth.

I have never burned rice. I've never used a rice maker, but my rice always turns out perfect and fluffy. unless it's instant rice. While convenient, instant rice never comes out "perfect."

.

I assigned the lamest and most annoying ring tone to the blood bank's number so I would know when it was them (and know to not answer. They never understand when I tell them I'll set up my appointments online). The problem with this is that they call at the most inconvenient times when I never expect the call, and when there are plenty around to be interrupted by the loudest, lamest, most annoying ring tone. I keep meaning to change that.

.

My nephew was born this morning. He doesn't have a name yet. In my head he's "Number 25." Or Jesus (spanish pronunciation). His parents are Joseph and Mary.

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I grant everything the right to live except cockroaches and earwigs. and the huge ugly palm tree in our front yard. no right.

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I suck at pac man.

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excitation = throwing a baby shower!

Easter Excitations

• warmth!

• baskets

• chocolate covered ruffles

• conference

• chow mein nests

• grandma's

• Jesus

• new traditions

• pageant and Nielsen's

• frilly kids' outfits

• BRAND NEW HOUSE!!

"Because I'm AWESOME!": by Jessica

My sister-in-law, Jessica, posted the following story about my nephew on her blog and I wanted to share it:

"Yesterday, Tyler brought home this paper from school.

We were sitting discussing it at dinner and I asked if the teacher had written

"I would rather be a_______"

on the board for them to complete. Tyler was all kinds of impressed that I could have guessed that (I am occasionally impressive...but it was the word "rather" that gave it away!! What kindergartner says "rather"...and spells it right!)!

So we talked for a little while about what the other kids wrote. Then Vern asked Tyler,"Why did you say that you would rather be you instead of something else?" Tyler shrugged and said (as if it was the simplest answer in the world),"Well, because I'm so AWESOME!!"

I still can't help laughing every time I remember it and smiling because I love that my son thinks he's AWESOME!! At least I know I'm not the only one!! hahaha!!"

.

I'm pretty glad I get to be a me over anything else. It's the most fun.

threes

Growing up I had a friend named Katie, but I would call her about twenty different names. One I remember was Catalina, that nasty orange dressing I’ve always been too afraid to try, though it wasn’t meant to be offensive. We were weirdos. Maybe that’s where I got my start.

Katie my old friend tagged me on her blog a bit ago, which was new. The only kind of tagged I’ve ever been was in a playground setting, and then I wasn’t always the person people wanted to choose. I was only mildly cool (like I said, weirdo), and I wanted to win too badly. Kids would cry after having to hold my hand in line in red rover. I didn’t understand why they would have preferred to let go and let the kid through. Didn’t they know anything about sacrifice?

So I’ve been tagged. My plan was to completely vamp it up and post with pictures instead of words, but then I became controller person at work and that idea flopped along with my brain at the end of each day. So, instead, here is my very normalized taggy thingy:

3 names I go by:
1. shirl - a vestige of sweet high school friends
2. shirley elizabeth - the name two of my siblings have consistently called me, which became my online presence in the past couple of years
3. babe - only one person can get away with it

3 jobs I have had:
1. Teacher’s Assistant/Daycare Leader at a Jewish charter school – first job ever
2. Nanny – miss that family tons
3. Accounting person for construction companies – oh the intriguing life I lead

3 places I have lived:
1. Carol Ann Way house – if only I had $300k to buy it off my parents. And then a hundred thousand more to fix it up. Hmm, maybe not.
2. With siblings – only the coolest would let you invade on their families at a point in life when you desperately need out of your parents’ house, but your parents won’t let you out for real yet
3. The “number 1” house – before getting hitched, I lived with roommates in a house with the street number 1.

3 favorite drinks:
1. Water? – I don’t drink much else.
2. Strawberry lemonade – unless I go to a restaurant
3. Am I supposed to be listing alcohol? How ‘bout pomegranate juice?

3 TV shows I watch:
1. Alias – of course, it’s over and long gone, in fact I hadn’t even seen an episode till years after the finale, but when I’ve had a long week or have a ton of laundry to fold I like to stick in a season and watch some on my laptop.
2. Pushing Daisies – yes, it’s over, too. It only lasted for a season and a half, sadly. It was the only show that I actually watched while it was playing.
3. Basketball – by now you can probably tell I’m not a big fan of TV, but thanks to my husband I have probably seen more sports in the past year than most guys.

3 places I have been:
1. Around Scandinavia – I nannied.
2. The top of Brighton – spent a lot of time there figuring out snowboarding with frozen toes. Arizona’s mountains are smaller, but so much more comfortable.
3. Jerome Idaho – small place with family that I love love loved to visit in summers growing up

3 people who text me regularly:
regularly as in I can count on it?
1. Mike
2. Verizon. Twice a month.

3 favorite foods:
1. mashed potatoes – preferably with gravy. or lots of butter.
2. chicken ‘n’ dumplings – except the dumplings are biscuits. mmmm maybe that’s what’s for dinner.
3. dice a tomato, dice an avocado, dice some cheese, mix it all in Italian dressing and eat on crackers (wet each cracker some in the dressing) or just shovel it in with a fork.

3 favorite books:
1. Ella Enchanted – don’t watch the movie. It has nothing to do with what’s actually in the book and is terrible.
2. Anything by Jane Austen or the Bronte’s – I really can’t count how many times I’ve read each of their books.
3. Most fantasy or historical fiction books.

3 favorite colors:
1. green – I’m in love with nearly every shade. and it looks good on me.
2. yellow – this was my favorite color growing up. I think because I felt bad for it because none of the other kids liked it. Actually I know that’s why.
3. uh…let’s go with shades of blue. Where would we be without our trusty blue jeans?

3 favorite hobbies:
1. Running/hiking/climbing – did you not know?
2. Reading – Mike watches sports (and does homework, suckah!), I pull out a book. I’ve recently had to spend some of our money on new books since I’ve read every one we own a couple times just since we’ve been married.
3. Baking/cooking and even washing the dishes I use, but I detest drying them so much that lately my sink has been full of unwashed dishes.

3 things you can always find in my refrigerator:
1. cheese – always.
2. moldy leftovers
3. jar of jam we got with some wedding stuff – I think we’ve used it once or twice

3 things I do every day:
1. cut myself somewhere in some way – it’s inevitable
2. eat/drink – I really can’t think of what I do every day
3. ponder on the cosmos

3 things I am good at:
1. reading aloud
2. accounts payable
3. dutch oven meals – I’m discovering I’ve a talent

I Cut Myself

FYI:
Applying for jobs on the internet is one of the worst processes imaginable (I had originally just said “sucks,” but then thought better of my public-use language). There is zero initial personal contact and no way to follow-up since it is rare that a company will post any kind of contact information. How is a potential employee to make any kind of impression on a company if there is no contact? I have to just hope that people are interested enough in my name to look at the rest of my resume. Speaking of my name, which I have always always adored and never would part with, I am terrified that people will just skip over my application, thinking me to be an old lady. And then, after not receiving any reply on any of the fifty positions you’ve sent your resume to, you start to question whether all those things about your experience and abilities you’ve nicely arranged together into a document are really as great as you originally thought. And what is up with employers not realizing what an accountant is worth? So many of the positions say they expect you to do everything a controller would do, along with having a degree and required years of experience, and also perform the duties of the receptionist and office manager on top of that. And……they only want to give you $11-$13 for it, based on your experience of course. Seriously?? I can understand that many of these companies are smaller, and might require their controller to be a Jack-of-all-trades (something I’m pretty good at), but at least be willing to give worthy compensation.
Alas, the internet is my only option at this point, since I still have to show up every day at the cruddy 8-5 job I’m trying to get out of.

That was a ton of switching of my tenses. Forgive, as I would not forgive you. Cop it up to the mush my brain is becoming from working in the general area of our new receptionist and her terrible music. Oh, the songs I now have memorized that I never would have cared to listen to in the first place! I want to shout out for five minutes of peace from the same songs we’ve been listening to for two weeks, every day, multiple times a day, every minute of the day. The hour between eight and nine, before she shows up, is now sacred to me. It brings me to repent of ever considering listening to local radio stations again.

On Sunday I made some white chili and it was delicious, of course. In the process, I cracked my crock pot down the middle trying to use it as a dutch oven. As a result, today I am borrowing a pot from a friend for a pot roast. I especially like these friends, and their squeezable little boy. They are great examples to me of using what you have and making do, even though you might have money at the time to spend on a nice TV or a bigger house or a Le Creuset dutch oven in every color and size.



Oh how my cooking would be so much more lovely, and I’ll even warrant tasty, with the use of one of these. Other things my kitchen yearns for? A kitchenaid. A gas stove-top. A(n organized) spice cabinet full of spices. KNIVES. Do you know what it’s like to work with nice knives? I have once upon a time. Oh glory. Imagine the chopping and dicing and slicing and splicing and everything else you can do with a good knife. Now also imagine the blood and the cuts and the bandages and scabs.
Yeah…Mike sometimes grounds me from knives, or says I have to ask him first if I can use one. I don’t even know how it happens, but all of the sudden my skin will be split and Mike will be shaking his head at me again. On average, I will come away from work with 1 – 2 paper/cardboard/manila folder/staple/anythingmyhandsmightpass cuts a day. I’m not so sure getting shiny, sharp, cuts-through-quarters knives is an option Mike would consider.

So, I’ll just make do with what we’ve got. And what we’ve got isn’t too bad. My hand mixer is able to handle most things I make. Our second-hand monster of a TV (though Mike may protest) works great for our needs. A bookshelf for a pantry is actually kinda cool (at least it throws off company). Our noisy, crappy cars will last us. My leaking Camelbak works great if I don’t fill it all the way. Our clothes from eight seasons ago still fit. A tiny, old house can suit us just fine. And we’re just as happy as if we had otherwise.