a Little Lamer Lednesday

It's late, and I'm pooped, so I apologize for not having a story this time.

Actually, I do have a story. A couple of stories. And all week I've been meaning to tell them, and I've been saving a special one for today, but I really want to move on to bed, so I apologize for not telling the stories I have. I will make up for it...maybe Sunday? It's a really busy week, I tell ya.

(ADD: why do people have a problem with you saying that something is retarded but not that it's lame? I say, that is retarded and lame. as well as dumb. and deaf. blind even. toast.)





{one} what is your happiest childhood memory?
and darnit, they start with a hard one. Mike says that my favorite childhood memory is from when my two older sisters were playing at the neighbor's house and I, looking for an excuse to possibly get invited in as well, went to the door with a question for them. "Is this your penny?" I don't think the three of them cared, and I still was not invited in to play. I also remember trying to pull that trick with other objects, but the penny is most memorable to my sisters.
Obviously, this is not my happiest memory, but it's probably the one that gets told most often, and not by myself.

{two} what is your middle name?
elizabeth . quite obviously.

{three} what’s the habit you’re most proud of breaking?
my alcohol problem. I was born with a bottle in my hands, and it wasn't till recently I've been able to find the strength to kick it - love you Mikey!
(Mike just said, "Sometimes you are really dumb. Fo' real.")

{four} what do you order when you order chinese food?
my regulars are rice, noodles, orange chicken, beef and broccoli, or sweet and sour pork. I don't even know if those last few are authentic Chinese dishes. I really just answered the question "What do you order when you order from Panda Express?"

{five} what’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?
I think some decks of playing cards when I was...11 or something. The neighbor's yard.

{six} what’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?
when i was younger I was always either Cat Woman or something dumb. My best years so far were probably once in high school when I was Sandy from Greese with these butt-tight black pants, a couple years back when my boyfriend and I were Cosmo and Wanda, and two years ago when Mike and I were Gomez and Morticia from The Addams Family.

{seven} who’s your favorite game show host?
Is that a trick question? Is there even any other game show worth mentioning besides The Price is Right? (don't bring up Wheel of Fortune - I don't know any of those answers!)

{eight} what’s your favorite breakfast food?
Cereal? Eggs? Grits? Oatmeal with blueberries? Plain waffle with butter? Bagel/egg sandwich? Breakfast burrito? Why do these questions always ask for darn favorites!

{nine} what’s your least favorite word?
lol. Not even a word. NEVER acceptable.

{ten} describe something that happened to you for which you have no explanation.
ha ha ha - a couple fools I dated. Really, I can't even explain it to myself.

Demoted.

That's right. Me. And it's the most relieving feeling.

I work in a position I never wanted, for a boss I mostly despise, doing the work two full-time accountants used to handle. It's been tough to stay above water, and systems I would love and badly need to put into place I have had no time to sit and enact, and, when I've tried, that despicable boss comes along and makes it all useless. Seriously, crappy management is the bane of an accountant's work. Many know that I have wanted out for quite a while now.

Last week was nearly it for me. It was a four-day work week starting Tuesday, but I think I still worked 50 hours trying to meet deadlines - even taking my computer out during a family party on the weekend. And my boss was just too much. Each day I loathed him even more, and by the end of the week I was crying in bed each night, sleeping horribly, and spent my weekend just feeling sick, dreading going back on Monday, and begging Mike to let me quit. The one highlight was that we put up that movie I think is cute and everyone else thought it was cute, too.

Monday looked like it was just going to continue the culmination of the crap, as I worked a 12-hour, crappy, exhausted day, but I finally went to my boss and laid it down. I said I'm having a baby in January. This has been too much for me, and I can't do it anymore. I said when I agreed to help you out in this position I told you it was never in my plans, I didn't want it, I was looking for something outside of the industry, and advised you get someone else to come in. I told him that if I did work after baby, it would only be a minimal part-time, and if they weren't willing or able to have me in a position like that, I'd be perfectly fine with it. I told him my suggestion was to demote me back to assistant and bring in someone now to take over the controller duties. This way we could get back on top of things and we would have plenty of time for me to show him/her around, and by the time I had baby we would be completing our current huge projects, new person would be well set up, and they'd better able to gauge whether a part-time Shirley would be reasonable or not.

They interviewed yesterday and a new guy starts on the 30th. When my boss agreed to my plan it was such a relief. He expressed some sincere concern over my well-being the past couple weeks. For some reason my bosses like me a lot (two of them - one is tons better than the other). I'm a bit disappointed I've still got another two weeks like this, but the sky is so much bluer now and I'm mostly just so excited for some guy that doesn't smoke to come in and take over.

So - on to lighter things. Although, I don't like the Wednesday questions very much this week because they're harder to answer.





{one} have you ever won a trophy? if yes, for what?
Um...I'm actually not sure. I don't think so. I've gotten some medals though. The one I'm most proud of is the gold in the four-by-mile at the Knights of Columbus invitational. That was my fastest mile time ever...but didn't really count since it was a relay. I still regret not ever running the steeple chase.

{two} what was your favorite subject in school?
Uhhh....okay, I had Mr. Garcia for American history, and that was a fun class, and Mr. I-don't-remember-his-name lawyer-with-the-dry-humor for government - but he was awesome so I loved the class. But I think my favorites were probably English and math - one, because I always got an 8 or 9 on my essays and just swam along, finished the math exams long before everyone else and felt smug about myself (one reason I want my kids to have an alternative education to public school is because I was not really tested at all), and two, Kevin Crimi. He was always in those classes with me and we just laughed and goofed around - SERIOUS laughter. mostly coming from me. I think he just laughed at me.

{three} what time do you get up in the morning?
Ha well when I'm not trying to be in to work a couple hours early....my first alarm goes off at 6:30. That's the time to get in a good shower. Next is at 6:45, which is a quick shower. Then 7:00, which is no shower, driving off with a bagel in hand. So, most days 7:00.

{four} if you could open your own business, what would it be?
Flower shop, duh.

{five} if you could spend the evening with one rock star/band, who would it be?
I don't like these types of questions. And, I like people's music, but I don't think I'd actually like the people. probably. My brother put some songs on a CD once. I'll have dinner with him.

{six} what sitcom character reminds you of you?
Ugh another one? I'm going to say Sydney Bristow (whether it counts or not) because it's the only show I know and I would love to be awesome. If you have a character that reminds you of me, suggest away.

{seven} what are the 3 most important things to you?
climbing trees, crushed ice, and...it's a tie between mashed potatoes and cheese.

{eight} chips or popcorn?
los dos.

{nine} have you ever ordered anything from an infomercial?
No, but when I was a kid some of those things looked soooo cooool.

{ten} what is one thing that you are grateful for today?
New guy coming in two weeks!

Sometimes I get some pretty silly ideas.

And sometimes Mike goes along with them. He's cool.

Heritage

My company (not MINE, but the one, two, three I work for) just moved into a new office. It's smaller, but it doesn't have bugs, so I'm happy with it. I went back to work this week after the holiday completely swamped and drowning, truly regretting not working on Labor Day. I'd never felt that before. I hate what a full time job is turning me into: some weird working freak blob thing that doesn't know what "Don't stay too late" (from the last remaining coworker) means and that can't even uphold her heritage. Heritage? What? Yeah, I'll tell you about that part.

So I went to the bathroom, being the first one of the day, apparently (when you're pregnant, you go pee or else you're in pain, also apparently). When I pulled the flush lever nothing happened. The tank was empty, and no measure of lifting or twitching the stopper or the floaty thing worked. Crap (ha). What kind of person would turn off the water to the toilet? The GIRL'S toilet?? The guy's bathroom was working fine!

Before that matter could be solved, I needed to get rid of my nastiness (NOT the kind of person to leave that to someone else). Now, having a plumber for a father, I, naturally, know how to get a toilet to flush. And so, plumber's daughter that I am, I began to fill the tank with water from the sink...using the trash can....which, at the angle necessary, only held about two cups of water at a time before spilling out. To get the full effect, I encourage you to sit here for however long you imagine it can take me to fill a toilet tank in that manner and join me later.

Yes, the whole time I was hoping no one would need me and wonder what in the world I could be doing in there, and when it was all done there was no way I was letting anyone off the hook.
"Danielle, have you used the bathroom yet today? There's no water to the toilet!"
"Really? (walks to bathroom. looks at toilet.) Hmm. (bends down, twists a knob, tank fills)."

I'm sorry to have failed you, Daddy.




{one} what was your first pet and how did you come up with its name?
Um...I have many siblings. We never had individual pets. That is weird unless you're single or old.

{two} do you like your ice crushed or cubed?
Crushed! With a straw.

{three} do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope. That's called a crush, which is completely fine and normal. Love is different.

{four} do you have any nicknames?
When I was younger I was called Shirley-girlie and Shirley-bird by some non-family members. Family just calls me Shir. But I don't think that's really a nick-name. Just a short name.

{five} what movie do you never get tired of watching?
Peter Pan (sorry, not the Disney one) and Pride and Prejudice. And Sydney Bristow. She's not a movie, but I'll never tire of her.

{six} how do you like your eggs cooked?
All the way. I don't mind them in any form as long as there's no goopyness.

{seven} are you named after anyone in particular?
My grandma! And this is the story my grandma just told me a couple of weekends ago: "Your mom didn't want to name you Shirley. She came to me and said she didn't know why anyone would name their kid Shirley. Well that made me so mad, so I said, 'Well, you named your kid Orrin!'"

{eight} what are three things that you would like to do that you haven’t done yet?
Wipeout! Um...Grand Canyon hike con Mike. Do flower shop person stuff.

{nine} what one thing always brightens your mood?
Mike dancing around. You should see it.

{ten} what five things will you always find in your purse?
I don't know if there are five...wallet, softlips, computer back-up from work....I'm drawing a blank. I blame pregnancy brain. Or maybe the fact that I have a monster of a purse that I carry nothing in.

Pregnant Shirley

I have been reprimanded. But Mike was, too, so it's okay. I am also less in the wrong, since I blog a heckuva lot more often than him.

As all the world now knows (really, to me my family is the world, since we populate half of it) a watermelon seed has sprouted in my belly, and once it's full grown on January 30, the doctor will take it out, crack it open, and inside will, hopefully, be a baby.

No, we do not intend to eat the watermelon.

Here is a list:

• My watermelon is currently 18.5 weeks old, and, despite what some silly women may say, you can definitely tell.
  
  
• Really, the line I've gotten from nearly every woman in the ward is, "Well I look more pregnant than you!" No, you don't, because you're not pregnant. This little belly that sprouted in the last two weeks is pregnant. Let me be pregnant without talking about your personal weight issues. Give me a couple more kids and I'll be there right with you, k? And don't even get me started on the people that say I'm too small.
  
  
• I cannot handle the heat. At all. Which drives me crazy. I can't do anything!
  
  
• The first time I thought I might be pregnant was when I was really only a few weeks along, I guess. I was out on a run and started hurting really bad. As I turned around and tried to walk/curl/massage it off I just kept thinking, "The baby doesn't like this run." How does that even work? And after that whenever I'd pass a store I'd have the thought to go buy pregnancy tests.
  
  
• The pregnancy tests are actually a funny story: I used one, but I guess I did it wrong because nothing showed up for 15 minutes. So I used it again. According to the packaging, that disqualifies it. This time it showed pregnant pretty fast, though lightly. I knew it. Lightly pregnant. I hid it in my nightstand and walked away. A bit later, Mike walked past as I was on the floor cleaning in the hall bathroom. I said, "I think I'm pregnant."
  And he kept walking.
  Then he came back and said, "How so?" (or something like that) and I responded that the test said so. He made me unhide the disqualified one and take another test. I thought I would be out of pee. This one also said lightly pregnant. Mike had us read the instructions five times over to verify that's what it meant. He was sad for a day, and then he was really excited. And I was just normal.
  
  
• I've noticed crazy hormones this past week. I watched the mailman pass our house one day without stopping and almost started crying. I had to laugh at myself. And lately I seem to be on the verge of tears throughout the mornings at work, which is inconvenient.
  
  
• Today I wore a skirt up at my waist that used to fit on my hips. Already I can tell that I will be carrying pretty low.
  
  
• The other day, Mike mapped out for me where all my weight gain has been. It added up to twenty pounds (ten being in the chest). I've gained eight total, as of last Friday anyway.
  
  
• The first thing I noticed physically, before the sickness even, were the huge breasts making their home below my collar bone. No kidding.
  
  
• I've grown out of all my pants but the sweats, most of my shirts, and I can also thank muffy and killer for the fact that most of my t-shirts are too small as well now.
  
  
• My runs have diminished to just 1-2 miles. I get sick and overheated and my heart rate skyrockets if I try anything longer, so I don't. I run, and then I walk for longer. It's weird, walking. It's totally different muscles. Did you know I've walked a 9:30 mile before? I used to be good at that.
  
  

Perhaps I will be nice and continue to post lists.

Here is another type of list: My friend, Dawn, participates in a thingy called "Wee Bit Wednesday," and I always find myself wanting to comment on her posts with all my answers, but instead of forcing my life story on her, I'll just post it here. AND this way, maybe I'll be posting every Wednesday, if I keep up with it.

{one} what’s your favorite day of the week and why?
Saturdays? But only the ones that aren't busy with tons of Church and family stuff. Those are good, too, but the best are when Mike and I get to go out on some adventure and have the day for each other.

{two} if you could have a glimpse of your future, would you choose to see it and what time would you want to see?
Well, it'd be kinda pointless, because I already know how it's going to pan out. I mean, sure, I don't know the specifics, but those are unimportant. My future is decided by me, and I've already decided how I'll be.

{three} if you could be any animal, which animal would you be?
Have you ever heard of a dik dik? It's the tiniest little dear thing ever! But, I would probably be a monkey. I've always wanted to be able to hop and fly and climb like a monkey. After watching a news report on a girl that grew up in South Africa playing with monkeys who was an amazing rock climber because of it, I decided my family would live in South Africa. I was like eleven.

{four} do you have a lucky number?
I've always liked multiples of 4, but not 4 itself. Does that count as lucky?

{five} if you could bring one famous person back from the dead, who would it be and why?
This one's too hard. I don't care about anyone famous enough to go through that nastiness, and Jesus already brought back Lazarous, so...

{six} fill in the blank: peanut butter and ____________.
We use honey, but I really like berry jams. Or you can do like my older brothers and do a slice of bread, peanut butter, jelly, slice of bread, peanut butter, honey, slice of bread. Really quite filling.

{seven} would you rather live by the mountains or by the beach?
Mountains. I would die without my mountains. There is nothing to compare with a run or hike out there.

{eight} do you have any tattoos?
ew gross.

{nine} if you could retire tomorrow, what would you do?
Clean my house, fix dinner, plant flowers, work on a baby quilt for my friend, organize the office, make a Moses basket decision, put away the laundry - you know, house-wifey stuff I've been dying to do.

{ten} what is your favorite all time movie?
Uh....we'll just go with "Pride and Prejudice," since it's a favorite that I actually own. "Hunt for Red October" is also a love.