Wednesday, September 8, 2010


My company (not MINE, but the one, two, three I work for) just moved into a new office. It's smaller, but it doesn't have bugs, so I'm happy with it. I went back to work this week after the holiday completely swamped and drowning, truly regretting not working on Labor Day. I'd never felt that before. I hate what a full time job is turning me into: some weird working freak blob thing that doesn't know what "Don't stay too late" (from the last remaining coworker) means and that can't even uphold her heritage. Heritage? What? Yeah, I'll tell you about that part.

So I went to the bathroom, being the first one of the day, apparently (when you're pregnant, you go pee or else you're in pain, also apparently). When I pulled the flush lever nothing happened. The tank was empty, and no measure of lifting or twitching the stopper or the floaty thing worked. Crap (ha). What kind of person would turn off the water to the toilet? The GIRL'S toilet?? The guy's bathroom was working fine!

Before that matter could be solved, I needed to get rid of my nastiness (NOT the kind of person to leave that to someone else). Now, having a plumber for a father, I, naturally, know how to get a toilet to flush. And so, plumber's daughter that I am, I began to fill the tank with water from the sink...using the trash can....which, at the angle necessary, only held about two cups of water at a time before spilling out. To get the full effect, I encourage you to sit here for however long you imagine it can take me to fill a toilet tank in that manner and join me later.

Yes, the whole time I was hoping no one would need me and wonder what in the world I could be doing in there, and when it was all done there was no way I was letting anyone off the hook.
"Danielle, have you used the bathroom yet today? There's no water to the toilet!"
"Really? (walks to bathroom. looks at toilet.) Hmm. (bends down, twists a knob, tank fills)."

I'm sorry to have failed you, Daddy.

{one} what was your first pet and how did you come up with its name?
Um...I have many siblings. We never had individual pets. That is weird unless you're single or old.

{two} do you like your ice crushed or cubed?
Crushed! With a straw.

{three} do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope. That's called a crush, which is completely fine and normal. Love is different.

{four} do you have any nicknames?
When I was younger I was called Shirley-girlie and Shirley-bird by some non-family members. Family just calls me Shir. But I don't think that's really a nick-name. Just a short name.

{five} what movie do you never get tired of watching?
Peter Pan (sorry, not the Disney one) and Pride and Prejudice. And Sydney Bristow. She's not a movie, but I'll never tire of her.

{six} how do you like your eggs cooked?
All the way. I don't mind them in any form as long as there's no goopyness.

{seven} are you named after anyone in particular?
My grandma! And this is the story my grandma just told me a couple of weekends ago: "Your mom didn't want to name you Shirley. She came to me and said she didn't know why anyone would name their kid Shirley. Well that made me so mad, so I said, 'Well, you named your kid Orrin!'"

{eight} what are three things that you would like to do that you haven’t done yet?
Wipeout! Um...Grand Canyon hike con Mike. Do flower shop person stuff.

{nine} what one thing always brightens your mood?
Mike dancing around. You should see it.

{ten} what five things will you always find in your purse?
I don't know if there are five...wallet, softlips, computer back-up from work....I'm drawing a blank. I blame pregnancy brain. Or maybe the fact that I have a monster of a purse that I carry nothing in.


Connie said...

I'm the same with my eggs and I can TOTALLY see you winning wipeout!

Gina said...

Is that story about Orrin's name true? That's hilarious. Weird, because I like his name, but still hilarious.

Jake said...

Did you tell Orrin grandma's story?